


human

by aggrieved



Category: CrankGameplays RPF, Jacksepticeye RPF, Markiplier RPF, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: (accidental and not done within a relationship dont worry), Fluff and Angst, G/T, Giant!Mark, Giant/Tiny, M/M, Physical Abuse, Size Difference, Slow Burn, and i dont know how im still not done, borrower!ethan, borrower!jack, giant!Tyler, giant!felix, i dont know if i'll ever finish it but yknow, i dont know what to tag bc theres so much shit in this idk, i started this in 2016, i think, im tryin, it's 37 google docs pages wtf, tiny!Jack, tiny!ethan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 08:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15926237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aggrieved/pseuds/aggrieved
Summary: 7 years is a long time to be stuck in a pet shop. Other borrowers come and go far more often; they’re younger, cuter, sociable. Ethan’s “just not what people are looking for,” meaning he’s quieter, more wary, less obedient. He knows, though, that all borrowers are quiet and wary; they only do what they’re told to survive. He can’t quite see anyone adopting him, but he thinks that if someone did, they’d be nice. He figures that if he’s so “undesirable” by store standards, the person who’d look past that would have to be someone nice.At least, he hopes so.





	1. i wanna pick you up and scoop you out

**Author's Note:**

> based on the song human by dodie clark.

_Thud._

“Jesus _fuck_ —”

Ethan Nestor rubs his forehead gently, glaring up at the doorway of a purple, plastic igloo. He never remembered to duck. The stupid thing was made for rodents, not borrowers. It didn’t matter that they were similar in size; if humans were gonna capture his entire race and sell them as pets, the very least they could do was make some new fucking plastic igloos.

He crawls out, moving to sit by the back of his cage. Thin fingers tug at the short brown hair atop his head. Boredom graces acne-covered features. He watches the people come and go through the glass prison he calls home. They hardly spare a glance toward him. He doesn’t mind.

The setting L.A. sun scatters orange beams across the floor of his cage. They illuminate the dust drifting carelessly in the air as Ethan admires the colorful sky through the store’s front window. One beam decides to shine directly on his face, eliciting an annoyed groan as he covers his eyes. He leans against the wall behind him, head rolling back to it with a soft thud.

There's a sharp _swish_ to his right; the back access door opens for a large hand to push in a bowl with today's meal. Ethan peeks over the rim to find pieces of plain noodles and bread. He huffs shortly, but grabs a noodle to munch on anyway.

He listens to the girls in the cage over complain about all the carbs, asking why they can't have _salad_ instead. Ethan thinks they're stupid; they're only fed once a day, which is why they're fed carbs. If they were to only eat lettuce once a day, they'd starve. Ethan knows this because they'd tried it one year and two borrowers died. Ethan himself almost didn't make it.

They'd done a lot of stupid shit in the time Ethan's been there.

7 years is a long time to be stuck in a pet shop. Other borrowers come and go far more often; they’re younger, cuter, sociable. Ethan’s “just not what people are looking for,” meaning he’s quieter, more wary, less obedient. He knows, though, that _all_ borrowers are quiet and wary; they only do what they’re told to survive. He also knows that his time is running out; he’s 20 now. He'd been 13 when he was first ripped from his “home” in Maine and shipped to California, and when he turns 21, well…

Sometimes he’ll spend his free time debating whether he’d rather die or get adopted. On one hand, no more dealing with humans, but, on the other, he’d get to _live_. It’s a surprisingly tough choice, in his opinion.

At some point, he’d had a cellmate— his name was Jack, and he had an Irish accent. He was 27, way too old in America, but it turned out Ireland had an age limit of 30. Jack got put in Ethan's cage with a big sign, _‘only available this month.’_ If he hadn't sold by then, Ireland’s age limit wouldn't matter; Jack would get put down.

They expected him to go to some rich, Cali asshole who wanted an ‘exotic’ pet, but he sold to a tourist on his second to last day of sale. A man with blue eyes and a Swedish accent who’d been visiting some friends in L.A. from Brighton, England— or so he’d told the employee who’d tried to flirt with him, asking what his accent was. Ethan wondered how Jack was doing; the man had seemed nice enough, so he liked to think he was doing alright. Though, he wasn't even sure of whether they'd gone back to England yet, let alone if he was okay.

Ethan himself can’t quite see anyone adopting him, but he thinks that if someone did, they’d be nice. He figures that if he’s so “undesirable” by store standards, the person who’d look past that would have to be someone nice. At least, he hopes so.

His daydreams stop short when he hears the bell above the door to the shop. The ringing, obvious in the customer-free store, startles the employee behind the desk. She drops her magazine and tries to look like she’s been doing her job. The borrowers all turn their gazes eagerly to the newcomer, dusting themselves off and preparing for possible inspection.

A man and his dog walk in, pausing when he feels all the eyes trained on him. Ethan straightens up; the man is gorgeous, with dark hair, a strong jaw, and killer biceps. He can hear the other borrowers whispering their own versions of Ethan’s initial reaction.

“He’s so hot,” a girl in the cage next to him giggles to her cellmate. He rolls his eyes, the hypocrite he is, and makes himself as small as possible as the man comes nearer.

The man doesn’t seem like he’s here for a borrower; he heads to the dog food aisle, which happens to be in line with Ethan’s cage. As he passes, he glances up at the borrowers in the cages beside Ethan. Each of the cages, unlike Ethan’s, holds three or four borrowers, boys and girls, anywhere from age 12 to 18. They’re all pressed up against the glass front, showing off to the man to get them to take them home. Ethan is in a cage alone, tucked into the back corner and trying to hide. The man smiles at the other borrowers, eyes trailing down the line to Ethan’s cage.

 _‘50% off!’_ is written on the glass in blue paint, the words cracked and faded— they’d painted that on at least 2 years ago, now. At first, the man looks confused, but when he spots Ethan in the back, his eyes widen. Ethan knows that look; it’s the same look the tourist gave Jack before he whisked him away.

The man disappears in a flash, and Ethan rushes to the front of the cage to see where he’s gone. He’s talking to one of the workers, who, while a little confused, pulls out a sheet of information. Ethan's inclined to believe it's his. The other borrowers start shouting at him as the man and the worker approach, the worker going to the back. The sharp _swish_ of the access door startles him into movement.

Ethan throws himself forward into the front corner of his cage. The borrowers next to him pound on the glass barrier, sending him scurrying to the other side in a panicked flurry. The worker’s hand closes around him, ripping him from the cage he’s called home for 7 years, her grip rough. He’ll surely have bruises, but he wriggles relentlessly, refusing to be put into that stupid adoption carton. She drops him harshly into the cardboard prison, and he scrambles up, watching helplessly as she closes it, encasing him in darkness. The scraping of cardboard on cardboard as the folds lock the carton in place haunt him as he starts to hyperventilate.

Feeling more like a wild animal than a small humanoid, Ethan claws and beats at the sides, trying in vain to rip the box apart from the breathing holes. There’s a smack to the side of the box, sending him careening to the other side, lying limp and defeated. He starts to cry, violent sobs wracking his small body.

The box shifts again as they move toward the counter, and he hears the muffled voice of the man before he hears footsteps departing, only to quickly approach moments later, seemingly the man going back to get whatever he originally came for.

Ethan listens to the worker go through the adoption process, waits as she gathers all the supplies and dumps them onto the counter, explains the care process. The sobs have died down to weak whimpers. She scans his items, _beep, beep, beep,_ asks if he has a rewards card, would he like one. Ethan is scared out of his mind.

“Have a nice day.”

“You too.”

He’s worried that this man is going to be like everything he’d feared. His dog barks. The tough choice between getting adopted and living or staying in the pet shop until they kill him off seems a lot easier now.

As they leave the store, the man’s voice finds his ears more clearly, a deep baritone that sends shivers down his spine; it’s oddly calming, for how much it terrifies him.

“Hey, dude, I...just wanted to say sorry. That worker looked like she was handling you really harshly. And those other borrowers...talk about jealous. I hope you’re okay. We’ll be home soon.”

 _Home._ Ethan snorts, wiping snot from his nose with the sleeve of his store-issued uniform. His tears have dried, but his fear has yet to settle. His stomach still churns as he curls into the corner of the dark, cramped box. What does the man have in store for him?

About 30 minutes later, Ethan finds himself covering his eyes as the carton is opened. The face of the man greets him with a blinding smile, but Ethan doesn’t find him quite as gorgeous now. The dog barks again, startling Ethan. The man turns to tell it to be quiet, ushering it away. He comes back, a softer smile this time.

“So, let’s start with names, huh? I’m Mark.”

He looks at Ethan expectantly, but the borrower keeps his mouth shut. Mark chuckles. It’s a deep, warm sound that makes Ethan want to laugh, too, but he’s determined to keep up his silent treatment. His lips press into a firm line.

“I guess I’ll have to call you something else until you tell me, then. How’s _‘little guy’_ sound?”

Ethan sneers, clenching his jaw. Sure, he hates the nickname, but he’s not giving up that easily. He glares up at Mark.

“Man, you’re really stubborn. The lady did say you were different. Well, you’ve gotta get outta that carton, little guy,” Mark says pointedly.

Ethan stands, never breaking eye contact— until Mark’s hand lowers itself in front of him like a platform. Eyes like dinner plates, he shakes his head vigorously, flinching backwards. Mark gives him a sympathetic look, but gently pushes at his feet. The borrower backs himself against the wall, hot tears threatening to spill for the second time in an hour. Mark sighs and lifts his hand.

“I’m sorry about this,” he mutters.

Before Ethan can question or protest, Mark’s palm is sliding behind him and sweeping him up, his other hand coming up to support Ethan’s feet. The borrower yelps, frantically kicking at Mark’s cupped palms.

“Hey, dude, listen, okay? Please just listen to me.”

Ethan stops kicking, begins to hyperventilate instead, pulling all of his limbs as close as he can to himself. Mark frowns guiltily, gently rubbing Ethan’s arm with his thumb in an effort to comfort him. Surprisingly, it did, or it at least calmed down his breathing.

Mark sighs again, before speaking softly. “I know you’re scared, okay? I know. But…they told me they would’ve killed you. And you just…you looked so...sad. Lonely. Different than the others, different than any borrower I’ve ever seen. I just want to help you.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Mark’s dog barks in another room. Cars pass outside. A clock ticks, Mark’s phone buzzes, Ethan sniffles. The tension is light, but still there, a sheet rather than a blanket. Another sniffle.

“Ethan,” the borrower mutters, voice groggy from disuse and crying. It’s quiet, but Mark hears it all the same, and he smiles softly at the smaller man. He’s known all along, of course— Ethan’s name is on the information sheet— but he’d figured it’d be more comfortable for Ethan to tell him himself.

“Nice to meet you, Ethan.”

 

* * *

 

 

In the 2 months Mark’s had Ethan, the borrower’s never spoken more than 3 words at a time. He sticks to being polite, but still reserved; ‘No, thank you’ and ‘Yes, please’ or just simple nods. When he asks for things, it’s in a vague way, a ‘Mark, can you…?’ paired with a few awkward gestures. Mark works around it, is patient with Ethan. It hasn’t been that long, he can’t expect Ethan to be all over him or anything, but he hopes he's made some sort of progress.

When Mark wakes up at 2 a.m. and looks over at Ethan’s cage to find it empty, he panics.

He sits up, checks every part of the cage twice, just to be sure he didn’t miss Ethan in the dark, and, sure enough, the borrower is missing. Chica is sleeping peacefully at the end of Mark’s bed. Briefly, he’s worried that she _ate_ Ethan. He pushes that thought away quickly, walking cautiously out of his room. He’d had a sneaking suspicion that taking the door off of Ethan’s cage was a bad idea, but Ethan was probably just restless, or maybe he wanted to explore while there wasn’t a human walking around. Mark didn’t blame him.

He watches the floor as he walks, just in case Ethan’s wandering in a place Mark might step on him, but there’s no need. Ethan is in the recording room. The computer monitor is bright, displaying one of Mark’s videos, the one Ethan had accidentally revealed himself in. He’s watching himself climb up the desk, up Mark’s arm and onto Mark’s shoulder. Mark never noticed it, and he had edited this episode himself, rather than hand it off to Kathryn, but he had been so tired that he forgot to cut it. Ethan’s looking at the comments now, his whole hand scrolling the middle key on the mouse. He stops to read a few.

>         **wtf why is that borrower just roaming freely??**
> 
>         **mark i think your borrower got out….**
> 
>         **ew when did mark get a borrower???**

It takes Mark a second to realize, from his spot in the doorway, that Ethan is crying. He flicks on the light. Ethan yelps, jumps up, and spins around to face him.

“Mark! I—I w-was just—”

“Ethan, I told you not to read those comments. You know I don’t think of you like that,” Mark says gently, crossing his arms.

Ethan looks down guiltily. “I—I know, but… they do.”

“What they think of you doesn’t matter. You’re not theirs.” He says it more possessively then he means, so he adds, “You’re not mine either. You’re your own person.”

Ethan starts crying again, and Mark’s worried he’s said something wrong, before realizing that this is just new to Ethan. He’d been taught his whole life that he existed to be someone’s pet, not their friend, not his own person. Mark moves forward, slides himself into his desk chair, and reaches out to Ethan cautiously. He pokes the borrower gently in the stomach.

“You’re _not_ a pet. You’re a person, no matter what anyone says, no matter what you’ve been taught. You make your own decisions, you can do whatever you want. Within reason, of course. But, in this house… this house and everything in it is just as much yours as it is mine. Got it?”

Ethan nods half-heartedly, but the red-haired man reaches over and flicks his small foot.

“Hey, I’m serious. You’re an equal. I’m not your owner, not your master. I’m just _Mark_. Okay?”

It’s silent, save for Ethan’s sniffles, until the borrower speaks up. “It just— It’s really hard for me to even imagine… to even _fathom_ being an—an equal to anyone. Even to other borrowers…” he trails off, hugging his torso. “I’ve always been the unwanted one, unsellable. I’m—I’m not obedient, or talkative— I don’t even pretend to be! I just— no one wants a broken toy, you know?”

“Ethan, you’re not—” Mark doesn’t have the right to determine whether Ethan’s ‘broken’ or not, not when he doesn’t know anything about him. He doesn’t have a clue what goes on in the borrower's psyche. “You’re not a toy. You’re— You’re a human being—”

“No, I’m not!” the younger boy yells suddenly. “I’m not— I’m a _borrower_. I’m not human.”

“You’re more human than most of the people in this world!” Mark argues. “There are people out there, people I see everyday, people I’ve known and even _cared_ about who are less human than you! You don’t… you don’t have to be human to be… you know, _human_.”

“Humans don’t sleep in cages,” Ethan retaliates, but he ends up yawning mid-sentence.

Glancing at the time on the computer, Mark realizes that it’s 2:30 now. He turns back to Ethan to suggest that they go back to bed, and offers a hand for him to get onto. Ethan climbs on, sits back against Mark’s fingers, and immediately falls asleep. Mark smiles, and stands gently, cradling Ethan to his chest as he shuts down the computer and turns off the light.

When he reaches Ethan’s cage, he looks at it with disdain. He’d thought taking the door off would help it seem less like a cage. Looking at it now, though, he sees that that wasn’t the problem. It was the principle of it, really; the fact that it was a cage, a metal prison for a human’s pet, was the problem. Ethan wasn’t Mark’s pet, he was his friend. Friends don’t make their friends live in cages, that’s fucked up.

He sets Ethan down on his spare pillow instead, and proceeds to take apart the cage. He doesn’t realize he’s woken Ethan back up in the process, because instead of speaking, the borrower smiles and lays back down, content to watch Mark make an effort to make him feel more human. He watches the calculated anger on his tan face, his eyebrows scrunched together as he dissects Ethan’s former living space. Ethan finds himself lost in the man’s actions, a sleepy haze taking his mind far from his place on Mark’s bed.

Mark takes everything important out of the cage, but there’s not much. He’s never actually seen the inside of the cage, but now that he has, he sees how inhumane, how _animalistic_ it is. There’s no bed, just a nest of sorts. There’s not even a _blanket_ . Mark sits back on his heels and buries his face in his hands. He can’t believe he’s never even bothered to look in the cage. He feels so… angry. No, he’s _livid_.

He impulsively picks up the now empty cage and chucks it out the door and into the hallway. It smacks the floor with a high-pitched clatter, slides down the hallway, and hits the wall with a clang. Ethan yelps behind him, and Mark whips around, not previously aware that he was awake. He’s staring at Mark in fear, and Mark’s sure that all the progress he’d made tonight was thrown out the door right along with the cage. Ethan’s terrified gaze melts into one of understanding, however.

“If I was big, I would’ve done that, too,” he says sheepishly, cracking a smile.

Mark snorts, letting it crescendo into a fit of giggles that has him in tears, and Ethan joins in. They stew in their laughter for a few minutes, before finding themselves staring at each other. Mark’s eyes lock with the tiny hazel irises of Ethan’s, and his laughter dies out.

“Fuck that cage,” Mark says gently. Ethan giggles a final time. _We’ll be alright,_ Mark thinks. Well, he hopes.


	2. paint me in trust, i'll be your best friend

“Hey, Ethan? Come into the living room, will you?” Mark calls.

He has everything set up in the recording room for later. Tyler is here, too, as he and Ethan have never formally met, and today is all about people meeting Ethan. It’s been 4 months since Mark brought Ethan home, and he figures it’s time for a real introduction.

Ethan peeks around the corner of the hallway, his tiny frame coming into the room. Mark is standing, so he squats down to offer Ethan a hand to climb onto. Ethan gives a confused look, and looks over and higher at Tyler, immediately freezing.

Tyler, firstly, is a lot taller than Mark is, and generally more intimidating. Secondly, he’s _super hot_. Ethan is suddenly struck with the realization that he is in a room with two of the most handsome men he's ever seen. His face flushes.

“Ethan, hey. Come on, bud.”

Mark inches his hand forward. Ethan turns back to him, stepping into his hand cautiously. Mark lifts him to his shoulder before standing up. Ethan still has to look _way_ up at Tyler.

“Hey, Ethan. Nice to finally meet you. Mark’s told me a lot about you.”

Ethan’s already red face goes darker. “N-nice to meet you, too, Tyler.”

The three of them decide to hang out for a while, as it’s still relatively early. Mark wanders off to get snacks, leaving Ethan and Tyler to pick a game for them to play. Ethan’s gotten pretty okay at playing video games, despite the large controllers. The borrower looks up at Tyler fearfully, no Mark to protect or distract him. Tyler rolls his eyes.

“I know that Mark and his channel and my appearance make me out to be a stone-cold heathen, but I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m nice, I promise.”

Ethan eases up at the joke, even laughs a little, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, I know, I just… this is all still really new to me. I’m a little jumpy. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. Now, what game can we destroy Mark at?”

“I heard that!” Mark yells from the kitchen. Ethan giggles.

“He sucks at Mario Kart,” he offers.

“I do not!” Mark protests, coming back into the living room with various snack foods.

“You kinda do,” Tyler agrees.

Ethan laughs again, and Mark will accept defeat if it means Ethan’s doing something other than frowning and looking around like everything’s out to get him. He really wants Ethan and Tyler to get along, especially since Tyler is such an important person to him. Tyler is his best friend, has been since high school.

He’s been his _crush_ since high school.

“Alright, fine! Let’s play Mario Kart then! I’ll show you.”

He indignantly grabs a controller, and sets up the WiiU gamepad for Ethan; the d-pad steering function it had was incredibly helpful since he couldn’t physically tilt the controller. Mark plants himself next to Tyler, close enough that their thighs touch, and puts a throw pillow across their laps. Ethan and the gamepad are placed on top of it. They set up the game, and pick their characters. Mark picks Mario, and Tyler calls him a basic bitch as he picks Yoshi. Ethan picks Toad.

“Why would you pick the most annoying character?” Tyler laughs.

“I _like_ Toad,” Ethan says matter-of-factly.

“Okay, bud.”

Mark smiles fondly, happy that they're getting along— maybe even more than he thought. He's not sure how great he feels about the fact that he wouldn't mind them together. The queasy feeling in his gut when he thinks about the _three_ of them together scares him more.

He ignores the pool of unfamiliar warmth in his stomach at the thought of curling up at Tyler's side, gently stroking Ethan's back as he splays out across Tyler's chest. He suppresses the fond smile in favor of loud rage when he realizes that they’re both destroying him at the race.

“How the fuck?!” he shrieks, making Ethan cover his ears while he laughs. “You’re like a third the size of the controller and you got first place. I give up! My career is a _sham!_ I could’ve been an _engineer!_ ”

Ethan’s sent into a fit of giggles. “I guess I’m just better than you at the game.”

“He’s not wrong,” Tyler pipes up. Ethan grins. They play a few more races, Ethan winning most of them.

“So… I know the viewers know about you and all, but I thought we’d do a real introduction video!” Mark says suddenly.

Just like that, Ethan’s mood drops. He doesn’t want to be a dick and kill Mark’s excitement, but he’s also not very eager to officially introduce himself to over 15 million people. Mark can sense his reluctance.

“I know that it’s a little intimidating, but… look, you’re an important person in my life, and they’ve seen you around a bunch, but I think… I think this will be a good opportunity to really prove to you and to everyone else that I think of you as an equal. So, can you just… trust me?”

The thing is, Ethan _does_ trust Mark. He really does. If he didn't, he wouldn't be used to being picked up, he wouldn't be out here playing Mario Kart with him and someone he's never met, he wouldn't have ever left his cage. He trusts Mark plenty. It's just that he’s still wary of actually _showing_ that trust, of letting Mark think that he is compliant and controllable. Just because the man claims that he can do as he pleases, that he's a roommate rather than a pet, doesn't mean that he won't try to control him. Ethan's worst vice had always been his rebellious streak.

He finally agrees to do the video, though, so they set everything up and Tyler leaves— much to their disappointment. Mark briefs him on what they're doing, and hits record. He counts, and claps, and Ethan isn't sure what that has to do with anything, but before he can question it, Mark begins his loud introduction.

“Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and today, I’m officially introducing you guys to someone you’ve been seeing around the channel recently.”

He lifts Ethan up to his shoulder, where he hopes the camera and mic will be able to pick him up. “This is Ethan! He’s been living here for about 3 months now. Now, I’m gonna tweet something out so you guys can ask him questions, but, in the meantime, I wanna talk about something. Ethan is not _my_ borrower. He’s his own person. I respect him as my equal, my roommate, and most importantly, my friend. Not my pet, or a toy. And I’d really appreciate if you guys could treat him as such as well.”

Mark’s face droops in disappointment, thinking back to the night he'd found Ethan crying over the things his community had been saying. “Comments like ‘Mark, your borrower got out of its cage’ and ‘why is that borrower roaming free?’ will not be tolerated. Ethan is not an _it_ . He’s a _person_. He doesn’t have a cage. He’s not an animal. If you disagree or say anything degrading toward him, your comment will be deleted, you will be reported, and you can feel free to unsubscribe.”

Warmth blooms low in Ethan’s chest, heartstrings tugging gently. No one has ever cared about him like Mark did— no one has ever cared about him at all. Especially not enough to defend him in a society that saw him on the same plane as a hamster. Mark claps once he’s finished, startling Ethan out of his awestruck gaze.

“Okay! Questions are rolling in. Ethan, you ready?”

“What? Oh— y-yeah.”

Mark sets up his phone as a second camera, and gets out one of his wired mics. He makes a little setup for Ethan on the surface of the desk, with himself still standing and using his usual setup.

“Okay, first question comes from BoaCute, who says, ‘Ethan, what’s your favorite color?’”

“Uh— blue? Blue or red are nice colors,” Ethan stammers into the mic, looking nervously up at Mark. The red-haired man smiles at him encouragingly.

“Next question—”

 

They go through as many questions as they can, before Mark stumbles across a good one. “This one comes from BurgerManMark— ‘Ethan, what’s it like living with Mark?’”

Ethan gulps, his eyebrows furrowing. “Well, uh...It’s…” he trails off, trying to come up with the words. “It’s different than I thought it would be. I thought— I thought Mark was going to be like everyone else, but he’s— he’s made living here really nice. He’s really patient and helpful, so…”

Mark smiles fondly before he begins his outro. “Alright, well that’s it for today. Thank you guys so much for watching, and as always, I will see you… in the next video. Buh-bye!”

He starts shutting everything off, Ethan scrolling through the questions they didn’t answer. He thinks about replying to answer them, but doesn’t want to do so without Mark’s permission. Mark, however, has a different idea.

“You know, we could set up a twitter for you. Or any social media, really. If you’d like.”

Ethan looks up at him with a spark of happiness in his eyes. He’s always liked the idea of social media— talking to people from all around the world, not having to worry about his size or his social anxiety.

“Really? You’d—you’d be okay with that?”

“Of course! Here, come on.”

He stands back at the desk, opens twitter on the computer, and logs out of his own account. He clicks sign up, before realizing Ethan doesn’t have an email, so he has to make one for him first. Once all of that is set up, it comes down to the username. Mark looks down at Ethan, who’s contemplating.

“How about something simple? Like… Ethaniplier?” Mark giggles, and Ethan frowns with pink dusted cheeks. “What, is that not—?”

“No, no it’s good! It's cute.”

Ethan ducks his head bashfully. Mark puts it in, hopes one of his fans hasn’t taken the name already, which, thankfully, they haven’t. He sets everything up, besides the description, and then tweets out something from his phone on his own account. Suddenly, Ethan’s blank twitter account has over 2,000 followers. Ethan blinks in surprise.

“Wow,” he mutters. “That’s a lot of people.”

“Dude, your mentions are filling up, too. Everyone’s tweeting at you. Now you can answer questions on your own!” Mark says happily.

Ethan looks at the screen worriedly.

“Don’t worry about getting to everyone, okay? I know you’re probably like me and feel obligated to reply to everyone so no one feels left out, but it’s hard, and they can accept that. So don’t stress yourself out trying to make everyone happy.”

Ethan nods appreciatively, and sets out to answer some stuff. With Ethan immersed in twitter, Mark chuckles and leaves to make them some lunch.

Ethan finds someone named Apocalypto_12, who says “Hey, Ethan! It was nice to meet you today!”, and when Mark comes back with food he asks who it is. Mark laughs and tells him it's Tyler, and Ethan's head snaps up. Mark chuckles.

“Wow, you seem to really like Tyler, don't you?” he teases. Ethan goes red, stammering that he _does not!_

Mark knows better.

 

* * *

 

 

Ethan flinches as he takes his shirt off. He peers around to make sure that Mark isn’t nearby before examining the bruises littering his arms and torso. He’s sure that there’s more on his legs, too. That worker had been really rough with him, had to have been for the bruises to have lasted this long. His mind wanders to the moment it happened, the rough hands squeezing him carelessly. He shudders.

While Ethan is spacing out, Mark wanders in to ask him if he'd like anything to eat— only to see the ugly yellow and green of half-healed bruises painted all over Ethan’s upper body. Halfway through his inquiry, he stops to gape at the damage, and Ethan startles, turning to face him.

There's silence between them for nearly a minute, before Mark says quietly, “Ethan… how did…”

He trails off, thinking back to the same day Ethan had been thinking about. His blood starts to boil, and he whips around to storm out of the room. “The fucking worker. I’m calling the pet store.”

“Mark, no! Just leave it alone, it's not a big deal,” Ethan calls desperately after him. Mark spins to face the borrower incredulously.

“Not a big deal?! You’ve got full body bruises that haven’t healed for _4 months!_ ”

“Just— don't, Mark—”

“Hell no! I’ll fucking sue if I have to, I'm not letting that bitch keep abusing borrowers!”

Ethan drags a hand through his hair. “It's not— she doesn't abuse anyone, she just grabbed me too hard. It's not like she did it on purpose! Just leave it, Mark, _please_.”

Mark sighs and scrubs his face with his hands, but he lets it go. “Are you okay? Does it hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Ethan insists.

“ _Sure_ you are.”

“Mark, _please_ drop it.” Ethan looks up at him with pleading eyes, pulling his shirt back over his head.

Mark purses his lips, but nods, and offers a hand for Ethan to climb on. “You hungry?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He gingerly steps into Mark’s hand, and the human can see the bruises peeking out from under his shirt sleeves. He clenches his jaw. Ethan suddenly doesn't feel hungry. Mark neglects to tell him that Tyler is over, and Ethan pales; he hadn't worn a sweatshirt, and the bruises would be on display.

As soon as Tyler sees him, his smile drops. He looks up at Mark, and Ethan supposes Mark must have made a face to tell him not to say anything, because Tyler nods slightly and resumes smiling.

“Hi, Ethan.”

“Hey, Tyler!”

His voice is overly cheery, and he nearly cringes at himself. Was he overcompensating to distract from the bruises or was he unnecessarily happy about Tyler's presence? The answer, Ethan decided, was both.

Mark lets him step down onto the counter, where a pizza box lays a few feet away. A paper plate has already been set aside with a few Ethan-sized pieces. The borrower sits gingerly beside it and digs in happily.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Tyler pull Mark away to talk quietly, no doubt about Ethan's bruises. He ignores them in favor of getting up to search for a napkin to wipe the grease from his hands and face. He wanders off, pulls a napkin off of the stack, and drags it back to his plate.

When he returns, Tyler is leaning against the counter, smiling down at him. The borrower smiles back with sauce on his cheek, and Tyler chuckles and reaches over to swipe it away gently with his thumb. Ethan blushes, then stiffens when Tyler's hand trails down to his upper arm. It brushes a bruise and he flinches.

“How did that happen?” Tyler asks softly, sympathy and guilt tinting blue irises. Ethan looks down at the napkin he's still holding, tearing off tiny pieces.

“Um— when Mark adopted me, the worker was… kinda harsh with me. She didn't know any better. I'm okay.”

“Are they all over?” Tyler asks, trailing his finger down Ethan's side. The borrower looks around in panic for Mark, but the human is just standing there, watching them with intrigue. His face hot and bright red, he looks back up at Tyler, gulping.

“Y-yeah, mostly,” he squeaks.

His body is as still as a statue as Tyler's finger continues down to his hip, and his thigh. He lets out a breath he didn't notice he'd been holding when the digit finally lifts away from his knee. Tyler smiles softly, looking at Ethan in a way he'd never been looked at before. Something twists in his gut.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Tyler's voice is completely calm, unaffected. He leans against the counter like he didn't just flip Ethan's whole world on its head. The borrower stares at his hands, face still tomato red. Mark chuckles softly, poking Tyler in the side as he walks over.

“Considering he hasn’t said a word about it the whole time, I’d say he’s handling it pretty well,” he says, giving the borrower a pointed look.

“I’m sorry,” Ethan replies softly, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

Mark sighs, ruffling his hair gently. “I just don’t like seeing you hurt, man. If you’d told me, we could’ve iced them or put medicine on them and they’d be gone by now.”

“I’m sorry,” Ethan repeats, curling in on himself. “I should’ve told you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Eth, I promise. I’m not mad,” Mark assures. Well, he’s not mad at Ethan, at least.

The bruises don’t go away for quite a while, even though Mark helps him ice them everyday, and Mark drafts a very angry e-mail to the pet store.

 

* * *

 

 

Blue hair. Blue hair. Ethan’s having a little trouble processing the question that Mark’s just asked him, staring at the jar on the shelf. 

“Ethan, how would you feel about having blue hair?” 

He’d said it oh-so-casually, leaving Ethan wondering not for the first time if Mark was actually insane. 

“What— me— blue— huh?” he sputters. 

Mark laughs at him. “Yes, you. Blue. Come on, wouldn’t it be fun?” 

“I— yeah, but—” 

“No buts! We’re getting it. It'll be cute! Maybe Tyler will think so, too.” 

Ethan sputtering in protest is no deterrent to Mark, and they’re at the cash register before he knows it, the cashier scanning the bleach kit and electric blue dye. Ethan’s in shock pretty much the whole ride home, and then Mark’s telling him to sit still so he doesn’t mess anything up. The bleach smells disgusting. 

“Wait— we’re bleaching it?!” 

“Well, yeah, otherwise the color isn’t gonna show up! Come on, I promise it’ll be okay. Trust me, it’s gonna look awesome,” Mark assures. Ethan chews his lip. 

“What am I getting myself into?” he mutters in surrender. Mark grins and starts the process. 

“Hey, Tyler, where are you?” Mark calls cheerfully. Ethan sits in his hand, behind his back. The human has a maniacal grin on his face, and Ethan is freaking out. 

“I'm right here, why?” Tyler comes around the corner, concerned about the current state of his friend. He gives a skeptical look. “Mark…?” 

“Tada!” Mark yells, holding up Ethan. 

The now blue-haired borrower smiles nervously, giving a little wave. Tyler just stares at him, eyes wide. 

“You… dyed your hair…” 

“Yeah… Mark said it'd be cu— cool, and didn't really give me a lot of choice— oh, god, it looks stupid, doesn't it?” 

“No, no, it looks cute.” 

Ethan's face goes beet red, and he grins. “So, you like it?” 

Ethan stands up in Mark's hand, Tyler offering his own for Ethan to move to.

“Yeah, suits you.” 

“See, Eth? I told you it would be cute,” Mark says proudly, a hidden fondness in his tone. He'd thought Ethan was cute anyway, but now he was even more so. 

Tyler agreed. 


	3. tell me you can't bear a room that i'm not in

“ _ Are you sure bringing Ethan is gonna be a good idea? _ ” 

“Of course I’m sure, Felix.” 

Mark stands in his bedroom, suitcase open and phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder. Felix is on the other end; they’re talking about Cringemas stuff while Mark packs for the trip. 

The trip, of course, meaning the trip he was taking to Brighton to do the Revelmode Cringemas charity livestream for RED. He planned on bringing Ethan with, figuring it'd be a good idea to expose the borrower to more environments and people. He’d had yet to talk to him about it, however, so when he wanders into Mark’s bedroom and starts panicking over the open suitcase, the human mentally smacks himself. 

“Hey, Felix, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later,” he hangs up. He scratches the back of his head. “Ethan, hey, it’s okay! I, uh… okay, how do I say this...”

“Mark— Mark why are you packing? Where are you going?” Ethan asks timidly.

“ _ I’m _ not— okay, uh, how would you feel if I told you we were going to Brighton? To visit Felix?”

Ethan’s eyes widen. “Um— that’s not— are you serious?” 

Mark sighs, “So, Revelmode— we’re doing this charity livestream for an AIDS foundation, RED, and— y’know, it’s gonna be Emma, PJ, Felix, and me, and they’re all in England, and I’m the only one that’s not, so they thought it’d be easier if I went there.” 

“And you— you want me to go  _ with _ ?” 

“Well, of course I  _ want _ you to. You can do the livestream with us, and we’re gonna do some sightseeing, and you get to meet my friends. They'll love you, I know it. And Felix has a borrower, and I figured it'd be good for you to be around another borrower, around more people in general. And… you kind of have to, now. We’re leaving like… tomorrow.” 

“ _ Jeez _ , thanks for the warning!” Ethan snaps panickedly. 

“It’s okay, I already packed your stuff and everything’s good to go, I just—” 

“Didn’t talk to me about it?” the borrower accuses. Mark looks away. “I mean… I’ll go, I just… are you sure it’s a good idea?” 

“Y’know, Felix  _ just  _ asked me that question. Yes, I’m sure. Now, come help me pack,” Mark insists, leaning down to offer a hand to Ethan. 

“Help you pack  _ how _ exactly?” Mark sets him down on the lid of his suitcase with a list. 

“Tell me what I need to pack.” 

Ethan giggles, holding the paper that’s bigger than him in front of himself. “You made a list?” 

“Hey, I like to be organized. Is that a crime?!” 

Ethan does as he’s told, and helps Mark pack. Once they’re done, they head down to the kitchen for a late dinner, and then right back to bed; their flight leaves early the next morning. Mark sets Ethan down on the spare pillow of his bed, where Ethan now sleeps in the absence of his cage, which was thrown deep into the back of the closet— hang on, did Mark forget to pack something?

“Oh, the cage!” Mark groans, just before he was about to go to sleep. Ethan looks at him worriedly. 

“What about the cage?” 

“I have to put you in a cage for the flight! Ah, shit. I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay. I… I don’t have to go in as cargo, do I?” There’s a panicked look in his eyes.

“Not if I take you as my carry on. It’ll be okay. Let’s get some sleep,” Mark assures.  

“Okay. I’m trusting you on this, you know,” Ethan murmurs sincerely, but Mark’s already passed out. The borrower looks at him fondly, before shaking his head and going to sleep himself. 

 

The morning starts off with Ethan trying to wake Mark. “Mark, come on, we gotta get up.” 

Mark mumbles some gibberish before rolling over. 

Ethan laughs. “ _ Mark _ !” 

“Alright, I’m up! Jeez.” He looks down at Ethan, with his blue hair tousled from sleep, and grins, reaching out to ruffle it even more. “Come on, blue boy.” 

Ethan rolls his eyes at the nickname, cheeks reddening, and climbs onto Mark’s hand, where he’s then transferred to his shoulder. They go through their morning routine, get some breakfast, and then call a taxi. 

Ethan is incredibly nervous about the trip. He’s been to a total of three places in his entire life; the pet shop in Maine, the pet shop in L.A., and Mark’s house—  _ their _ house, he reminds himself. 

The taxi arrives, and Ethan almost feels sick. He sits on Mark’s shoulder, gripping the sweater beneath him tightly. 

“You okay?” Mark asks, reaching up to tap Ethan’s dangling foot. 

It’s little things like that that really make the difference to Ethan. The little touches are intimate; they’re not only comforting, but it makes it easier to trust Mark. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just nervous.” 

They head outside, Mark rolling the suitcase behind him with one hand and holding Ethan’s cage with the other. He’d replaced the paper shreds in the bottom with a soft blanket. They load the taxi and get in. Mark tells the driver that they’re going to the airport. 

“You can sleep, if you want,” he tells Ethan. 

The borrower, too tired to protest, nods and leans against Mark’s neck. The red-haired man wakes him up once they’re at the airport, and they make their way in after paying the taxi driver. They get through security and everything, drop off Mark’s suitcase, and finally make it to the terminal. 

“Are you hungry?” 

Ethan shrugs. “Not really.” 

“Okay, well, I am, so we’re gonna go get food.” They do so, talking while Mark eats and while they wait. 

 

When it’s time to board, Ethan’s nerves return. 

“Okay, time to get into the cage, unfortunately.” 

Ethan gulps, but goes in willingly, taking a seat on the blanket. They stand in line, moving slowly forward, and Mark looks down periodically to make sure Ethan’s okay. He thanks every god he can think of that it’s a plane with only two seats on either side of each row rather than three. His seat is in the very back, and it’s the window seat with no one beside him. He sighs with relief. He settles in, setting Ethan’s cage on his lap. 

“You okay in there?” 

“Yep, I’m good.” 

Another sigh. “Good. Okay. Do you want my phone? I’m pretty sure I can’t let you out, so…” 

“Um… sure.”

Mark opens the cage and slides his phone in. As a second thought, he leaves his hand in there, resting it beside Ethan. The borrower looks at it curiously, and Mark’s knuckle runs up and down his arm gently. The red-haired man falls asleep while Ethan plays Tuber Simulator, the hand falling limp. Ethan leans against it with a soft smile. 

At some point during the flight, Ethan finds himself talking to Tyler through twitter. They talk back and forth, Ethan taking a selfie with Mark sleeping in the background. The response he gets back is, “Aw, you're both so cute!” 

Ethan shuts off twitter for the rest of the flight. 

 

The arrival to Brighton is a little rough, waking Mark. He’s surprised he managed to sleep through the 10+ hour flight, but he hadn’t been sleeping as much lately, so he supposes that factored in. In waking up, he shifts, disrupting the cage in his lap. He draws his hand out, but Ethan had been sleeping on top of it for the last hour, so he jerks awake as well. 

“Huh? What? Are we here?” He rubs his eyes adorably.

“Yeah, bud, we’re here. And it’s cold in England, so put on that jacket I put in there.” 

Mark puts on his own jacket, setting the cage on the empty seat. Ethan does as he’s told, pulling on the jacket over his pullover. 

They exit the plane, stopping to get Ethan out of the cage, before making their way out through security to the outside of the airport. Mark pulls out his phone to call Felix, who said he was meeting them there. 

“ _ Hey, Mark, what’s up? _ ” 

“Felix, hey! We’re here!” 

“ _ Awesome! Okay, I think I see you— I’m holding up a sign, can you see it? _ ” 

Mark does, in fact, see a sign— a bright pink poster board with ‘MARK + ETHAN’ written on it in big, black letters. 

He laughs, “Yeah, we see it. See you in a sec.” 

He hangs up the phone and begins pushing through the crowd, Ethan bundled up on his shoulder between his neck and the collar of his jacket. It really was cold in England. Ethan’s teeth chatter. They reach Felix, and Felix’s borrower sits on his shoulder. Jack, Mark remembers. The borrower has dyed green hair, and Ethan doesn’t realize until he hears his name in an Irish accent that he knows who it is.

“Ethan! Dude!” 

“... _ Jack?! _ Is that really you?!” 

“Who th’fock else would it be, ye dumbass?!” 

“Oh, my God, it’s been so long! Mark said Felix had a borrower, but— oh my  _ god _ , I should've recognized him, he's the tourist with the Swedish accent who adopted you! Holy shit!” 

Mark holds out a hand to transfer Ethan to Felix’s shoulder so the two borrowers could share a hug. 

“Yeah, good fockin’ work, detective, ye solved the case!” Jack says sarcastically. He points to Felix, and then nods over to Mark. “And guess who  _ this _ asshole was in L.A. visit’n’?  _ That _ asshole. Small fockin’ world.” 

“Dude, that’s  _ insane _ . I never thought I’d see you again! How’ve you been?” 

“How about we finish this conversation at home, huh?” Felix suggests. 

“Yeah, Ethan, your teeth are chattering, come on.” 

Mark extends a hand to retrieve him off Felix’s shoulder. Ethan gives Jack another hug before climbing on, letting Mark hold him in his hand for more warmth. 

“Alright, let’s get out of here.” 

They of course don’t leave the airport very easily— Felix being Pewdiepie and Mark being Markiplier, they get stopped by fans, some who were even excited to see Ethan and Jack. The borrowers are a little overwhelmed with the attention, though. The two YouTubers insist that they need to go, before Ethan and Jack turn into popsicles. 

They eventually get out, getting into Felix’s car. Ethan’s shoulders sag, even just the few degrees of warmth from the car a huge relief.

“So, how’ve you two been?” Felix asks as he navigates them out of the airport. 

“Good! Already missing the warmth of L.A.— and Chica,” Mark answers.  _ And Tyler, _ he and Ethan both add mentally. 

“So, Jack, how’s it been, man? It’s been, what, a year? Nearly two?” Ethan asks to distract himself. 

“Well, once this asshole adopted me, it was kinda hard te trust ‘im, since it wasn’t like we were gonna go home and bond— he was still in L.A. doing shit. I had te deal with Mark, and everyone else he visited, and I was scared shitless.” Jack pauses to laugh. “And then we had te go home, which was a fockin’ nightmare and a half, and eventually I started warmin’ up to ‘im. Felix‘s a real sweetheart, underneath ‘is fuckboy exterior.” 

“Hey! I’m right here,” Felix yells indignantly. 

“Yeah? And yer a fockin’ asshole. Fight me.” 

“Jack, you’re 4 inches tall.” 

“ _ Fight me _ , ye Swedish meatball!” 

Ethan watches the exchange longingly. He and Mark weren't like that, not yet. They didn’t have the playful banter. Jack and Felix aren’t afraid of hurting each other’s feelings; they have a mutual understanding that they’re just kidding around. Ethan’s startled by how much he wishes he and Mark had that. Adding Tyler to the mix seems even _ better _ , and that  _ worries _ Ethan. Mark reaches up to flick his foot, draw him from his thoughts. He looks up inquisitively. 

“You good?” Mark asks quietly, Jack and Felix still teasing each other. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He smiles for good measure before looking down at his shoes. 

 

They finally arrive at Felix and Jack’s house, the sun starting to set. They get their stuff out of the car, heading inside quickly. The cold of England was harsh and biting, and the borrowers especially were eager to escape it. 

The first thing Ethan notices about Felix and Jack’s house is the intricate pathways making their way around the walls at a human’s shoulder-level. Ethan gapes at them, watching Jack step off Felix’s shoulder to walk along one of them. Their house is  _ warm _ , too. Not just the kind coming from the heaters, though; it’s the poetic kind of warmth, the fuzzy feeling in your stomach when you’re happy and safe. It’s a loving home.

The next thing he notices is that Felix leans over and kisses the top of Jack’s head before walking off to show Mark where they’ll be staying. Jack smiles, catches Ethan’s eye, and winks at him. He now understands where the warmth comes from. 

“Hey, Ethan, want me t’show ye ‘round th’paths? And we can catch up?” Ethan looks up at Mark for approval. 

“Go ahead, I’m not your mom. Do what you want.” 

Ethan grins and climbs onto the pathway, over the railing. It’s been awhile since he’s walked anywhere, so he holds the railing just in case his legs give out. Mark wanders off with Felix. 

“Dude, are you and Felix—?” he asks Jack excitedly. 

“T’gether? Yeah, man. S’fockin’  _ awesome _ . I didn’ think it would happ’n either, but here we are, and…  _ man _ .” 

Jack smiles, a lovestruck look in his eyes, and Ethan’s feelings start falling into place. 

“That’s great, Jack! I’m really happy for you! Man, who’d’ve thought, though. I mean, Mark...Mark makes it a point to tell me that I’m equal and stuff, like, he’s always saying sappy shit about me being just as human, but you guys…” 

“Yeah, Felix did that, too. Said he was lonely, and he’d rather have a person than another pet, so he got me. And, somewhere along th’way, well…” he trails off with a shrug. 

Ethan looks off in the hallway, seeing Mark and Felix talking. Felix has the same look that Jack has, so Ethan gets the feeling he’s also talking about their relationship. 

“I want that,” Ethan mutters without thinking. 

Jack smirks at him. “Ooh, someone’s got a crush! Who's the lucky person?” 

Ethan blushes, shakes his head. “I, uh… Mark’s friend, Tyler.” 

Jack thinks for a moment, then nods. He opens his mouth to speak, but Ethan adds, “And— and Mark.” 

Jack smile is soft, understanding. He bumps his shoulder with Ethan’s affectionately. 

“I say go fer it,” he says simply. 

He leads Ethan down the path, making it to the guest bedroom, where Mark and Felix are now. Ethan’s cage has been discarded in the closet, Mark’s suitcase pushed to the side. Mark looks up at them curiously.

“Go for what?” he asks. Ethan turns beet red. 

“N-nothing!” the borrower stutters. 

Jack grins. “Ethan’s got a crush on your friend, Tyler.” 

Ethan groans, burying his face in his hands.  _ Great, now they’re gonna tease me about it the whole time we’re here. At least he didn't say anything about liking Mark. _

Mark smirks. He doesn't know why— he should be jealous, right?

“Dude, I  _ knew _ it! Why didn't you tell me? I could be your wingman!” 

Ethan furiously shakes his head. “No, no, no. There will be no talking of this situation.  _ Ever. _ We’re gonna leave it.” 

Mark definitely isn't gonna leave it. 

As if the situation couldn't get any worse, Mark’s phone rings. Who else but Tyler himself is FaceTiming him. Mark smirks and answers. 

“Hey, Ty! We were just talking about you!” 

Ethan’s head shoots up in panic, face beet red. He tries to dart out of the room, but Jack blocks the doorway with an evil grin. The blue-haired boy glares at him. 

“ _ Oh? Okay. How's Brighton? Ethan doing okay? _ ” Tyler’s voice comes through the phone. 

“Why don't you ask him yourself?” Ethan furiously shakes his head, but it's too late; Mark is already propping the phone up against the railing. Ethan gives a nervous smile, stammering out a response. 

“H-Hey, Tyler! What’s- What’s up?” he asks, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. Tyler can see the way he’s shifting on his feet— Ethan is so small that Tyler can see most of his body on the screen. 

“ _ Nothing much. How are you doing? How’s Brighton? _ ” 

“It's great! Uh— cold, but pretty. And it turns out Felix’s borrower is my old cellmate from the pet store, so that's pretty awesome!” 

“ _ Cellmate? _ ” 

“Well— cage-mate I guess. Roommate. Y’know. We shared a cage.” 

“ _ That's cool, I’m glad you guys got to reunite! And you're feeling okay? How was your first time on a plane? _ ” 

“Oh, that wasn't my first time on a plane. I'm originally from Maine. First time as a passenger rather than cargo, though!” 

“ _ Oh— I didn't know that. So, the flight was okay? _ ” 

“Yeah, it was. Mark’s snoring sucked, though.” 

Tyler lets out a loud, contagious laugh, making Ethan smile. Mark makes a noise of protest, but he's smiling fondly all the same, watching his boys. 

_ His _ boys? Since when were they  _ his _ boys? Jesus, Mark was screwed. 

“ _ I'm sure it did. Did you sleep at all? _ ” 

“For like, the last hour.” 

“ _ Huh, I thought you fell asleep a lot sooner; you stopped responding on Twitter. _ ” 

Ethan's face flushes. The way Tyler raises his eyebrow on the screen makes his stomach twist, eyes dropping to his shoes. 

“R-right, yeah, Mark’s phone died. Then I fell asleep.” 

Tyler smirks. Mark doesn’t recall his phone being dead when they got off the plane. 

“ _ Uh huh. So, what do you guys have planned? _ ”

Jack watches Ethan fall into a more comfortable stance as he and Tyler talk more, and sometimes when he adds in his own commentary, Ethan blushes like he'd forgotten that the rest of them were there. Felix makes kissy faces at him behind the phone, and Ethan does the ‘cut it out’ hand motion quickly. Tyler laughs and asks what he was doing. Ethan shakes his head and says ‘nothing.’

Mark is oddly quiet, just watching the two talk with a soft smile, and Jack grins knowingly at him. Mark flushes and looks away when he catches it, embarrassed that the borrower was able to see right through him. 

Eventually, Tyler has to go, and Ethan's face goes sad for a brief moment before he's covered it back up, waving goodbye. Instinctively, he says, “Bye, love you!” 

Tyler gives him a weird look, but laughs and says, “ _ Bye, Eth. Love you, too. Have fun in Brighton, I'll call again soon. Bye, Mark! _ ” 

“Bye, Tyler!” Mark shouts, smile wide.

As soon as Tyler hangs up, Ethan groans as loud as he can and sinks to the floor. 

“I'm such a  _ loser _ .” 

Jack laughs at him, wiping actual tears from his eyes. “Dude, you are  _ whipped _ .”


	4. i want the secrets your secrets haven't found

The Brighton trip, so far, is going well. They’ve done a bunch of stuff, like go sightseeing, and ice-skating, and just stayed home and played video games. Now, though, it’s time for the charity livestream, and Ethan is terrified. Sure, he’s been in a few of Mark’s videos, whether as an observer or actually being a part of them, but a livestream? Meaning 4 hours straight of whatever crazy shit they’re doing on the stream, and then another 4 hours the next day? Ethan’s not ready for that yet. But, alas, he’s stuck doing it anyway. 

Before they begin the stream, Ethan is introduced to PJ and Emma. Emma is his new favorite for sure, more quiet and less popular than Felix, Mark, and PJ, but definitely the nicest. She seems out of place; Ethan thinks maybe they can bond over that. Making friends would be good for him. PJ is very...enthusiastic. And a little weird. But, endearingly so. He’s incredibly creative, and also very nice. All in all, Ethan likes this group of people. 

The blue-haired borrower eventually finds himself sitting on Mark’s shoulder, watching Felix introduce the stream. There’s a table set up in between the two couches for Ethan and Jack to walk on, with a GoPro on the front and a specially made couch on it. One of the crew members had explained before they started that it was so the viewers could actually see them. And, of course, if they moved from the tables, there would be cameras with zoom lenses present. There were also tables leading from the first up to where Mark stood, for them to walk in on, but they would be removed once they were on the main table. 

“I also feel very lonely, oh no! This should not be very fun,” Felix says. “You know what, actually, this is gonna be really fun. It’s all about me. This livestream is just about Pewdiepie. I deleted my channel now, so this is it.” He kicks up his feet on the couch, leaning back. 

Ethan giggles. No matter how clickbait-y Felix’s channel has been lately, he’s still a good guy, and he’s still funny, at least to Ethan. 

Felix sits back up, “Okay, our first guest is...Markiplier? What? How—how is he here?” Mark goes to walk on, but Felix stops him, and Ethan gets the joke. 

“No, you’re not Mark, that’s Mark.” He points at Jack. Jack walks down the table as Felix greets him, plopping down on the little sofa. 

“Good joke!” he says into the microphone setup on the back of the tiny couch. Felix holds out a hand for a handshake, clearly joking to make it comedically awkward. He crawls over the back of his own couch as Jack giggles. 

“Hello everyone! Cringemas! Are you all cringing yet? That was th’worst!” 

“You know what I always say?” Felix asks from behind the couch. “If you’re doing a livestream, never do a handshake.” 

“Then why did ye go fer it?!” Jack retorts as Felix rolls back onto the couch. 

“Okay, next guest—Markiplier! Hey, welcome! You can sit here!” Again, it’s not Mark, but it’s Emma, who walks in and sits next to the cheering Felix. Jack cheers as well, applauding. 

“It’s me, Markiplier,” she greets sarcastically. Her and Jack do the same awkward handshake situation.

“Great, we already have a running gag,” Jack comments. 

“This is horrible,” Felix complains. “I’m in pain right now, you guys don’t even understand.” 

“We’re two minutes in and I hate it already,” Emma jokes. 

“This is why they called it Cringemas.” Ethan is trying not to laugh too hard. 

“I can see the GIFs in my head already that’s about to happen,” Felix laughs. 

“Everyone’s faces are imploding at home,” Jack adds. 

There’s an awkward silence. 

“Next guest!” Felix exclaims. “PJ! KickThePJ, you’re here!” 

Mark puts Ethan down on the beginning of the table and walks on, leaving only Ethan and PJ. Everyone applauds as Mark lumbers onstage. 

“Wait, you’re not KickThePJ, get the fuck out. What is wrong with you,” Felix says once Mark is there. Mark mutters an apology and walks back off, and Ethan is losing his shit. This is already the most fun he’s ever had, and it’s only been about 2 minutes. PJ walks on, and they cheer his name as he does a very hyper intro. The four onstage banter for a moment, before they actually announce Mark. 

“And our final guest…” 

“Pewdiepie!” Jack says. Mark wanders on stage, sitting next to PJ. 

“But I’m not actually our last guest!” Mark says, and Ethan shifts awkwardly at the end of the table. Mark smiles encouragingly. 

“Oh, shit I legitimately forgot about him. I’m so sorry!” Felix laughs. They all laugh, scolding him for forgetting. 

“How could ye forget our little blue boy?!” Jack yells. “Come on out, Ethan!” 

“Yay, Ethan!” the group cheers. 

Ethan takes a deep breath before plastering on a smile and running down the table and leaping onto the couch. He lands half on Jack, making everyone laugh as he awkwardly tries to sit normally, trying to make it comedically awkward, as that was the theme of this intro. Once he’s finally seated, he smiles and waves, everyone laughing and cheering. His face turns red. At least they find him funny. Hopefully the viewers did, too. 

They spend a minute or two trying to find out where the donate link for the stream will be on the viewers’ screens, and then Felix explains more charity stuff. Then he mentions doing Christmas crackers every $10,000 raised, and Ethan gives Jack a confused look. Mark also shakes his head when Felix asks if they know about them. PJ explains them. 

“Oh, so it’s like a wishbone!” Mark says. 

“Yeah!” Jack confirms. 

Ethan still doesn’t know what either of these things are, so Jack adds, “Okay, quick cracker explanation fer poor sheltered Ethan; two people pull the ends of th’cracker, which has two ends ‘nd a long middle part that’s filled with shit. When you pull it, one person gets the end bit, the other gets th’middle. So, in this, there’s a forfeit—a punishment—in th’middle bit, so th’person with the end bit’s gotta do th’forfeit. Make sense?” 

Ethan blinks at him a few times, but nods. “Uh— sure, makes sense.” 

“You’ll get it when we do it, don’t worry,” PJ assures him. 

Felix continues explaining what they’re doing, mentioning something called surströmming, an apparently horrid smelling… fish. Ethan’s got a weak stomach and he and Jack’s senses are a little stronger than the rest of the groups, so he has a feeling it’s not gonna be very good when they open it at the end of the second day of the stream. 

They make fun of Mark, who’s shown up on the twitter feed on the TV screen that’s set up behind Mark and PJ. Ethan is up there too, and he turns beet red when he realizes it’s a picture of him sleeping on a bookshelf. 

“Mark!” he squeaks indignantly, glaring at the red-headed man. “What the fuck?” 

“Oh, shit, I forgot I posted that,” Mark responds nonchalantly. Ethan continues to glare. “What? You fall asleep in weird places. We like to document the weird places you sleep.” 

“You mean there’s more?  _ We?! _ ” 

“Hey, most of them are Tyler's doing.” Ethan flushes and groans, crawling over the back of the couch and landing with a thud on the table. 

“Ow.” The group laughs at him before continuing, Ethan making his way back to his spot. 

Edgar, Felix’s dog, suddenly wanders on camera. They all start calling him, including Jack. Mark picks him up, and Jack moves to the edge of the table to pet him. Jack loves Edgar. He’s told Ethan countless times about how sometimes he’ll ride him like a horse, especially when he’s trying to get Felix’s attention; he'll hold onto Edgar's collar and yell “Hi-ho, Edgar!” around the house. Felix hates Jack riding the dog, claiming it’s not safe. Ethan thinks his worry is sweet. 

It turns out there’s a mistletoe challenge, but Jack and Ethan don’t get sticks of mistletoe. Felix and Mark’s mistletoe get tangled together, and Emma keeps hers far away from everyone, making it a point that she’s not doing it. Felix then explains the coal system, which Ethan and Jack are not excluded from, and they joke about the stockings, spelling out EFPMEJ, all of their initials. PJ and Emma call it their new ship name. Ethan feels weirdly included. The explanation is continued after an interruption of Edgar yet again. 

The next explanation is about the Cringemas awards, and Felix gets weirded out by the fact that Mark stares intently at him while he talks, trying to pay attention like he asked. Emma does it as well, making Felix even more uncomfortable. They move on to nominating all of the awards, and Ethan thinks this isn’t that bad after all. 

Eventually, after spending an extensive amount of time nominating, they get to their first Christmas cracker. Jack and Ethan are handed one, and Emma, PJ, Mark, and Felix are each handed one. The cracker is taller than both Jack and Ethan, and they laugh about it as they practically play tug of war with it until Ethan ends up with the big end. They cheer. 

“Yay, Ethan! First cracker and he wins it, nice!” Emma congratulates. 

Jack groans, as he finds the forfeit in their cracker, meaning he has to do it. The forfeit ends up being that Jack has to wax a Christmas tree into his leg hair. And, unfortunately, the only other person small enough to do it to him is Ethan. 

Jack rolls up the leg of his skinny jeans, and a crew member hands Ethan a tiny piece of the wax strip. He tries to rip it into the shape of a tree. Once he’s achieved the best tree he can, he starts to warm it up between his hands. 

“Man, nothing says reunion like waxing your friend’s leg, am I right?” he jokes, Jack laughing. The Irish borrower puts his leg up on the couch to get a better view for the camera, and Ethan sticks the wax strip on his leg. 

“I apologize in advance for this, Jack.” 

Jack yelps as Ethan rips the wax from his leg. Only a small piece came off, though. Ethan laughs guiltily as he starts pulling the other pieces off one by one, Jack flinching each time. Once it’s over, they hug it out. 

Jack loses the next Christmas cracker as well. This time, the forfeit is that he must sing a Christmas song as seriously as possible; if he does it in a silly way, he’ll be forced to do the next forfeit no matter what. Jack has also transferred himself to Felix’s shoulder, just in reach of his mic, so Ethan is left alone on the couch. Jack sings to Felix, the main camera zoomed in to see both of their expressions, and Ethan wonders if the viewers know about Jack and Felix’s relationship. 

The next segment of the stream is fanart, and Ethan is pleasantly surprised to find that he’s in a couple of them. Mark gets excited when Chica is in one as well. Cryaotic calls in and reads some fanfiction with Felix, and Ethan spends the whole time giggling while Jack pouts in jealousy. He takes that time to ask if the viewers know about the two, to which Jack confirms that they do. It’s further proven by the kiss Felix leaves on the green-haired borrower’s head after Cry leaves. 

At some point, while talking to Jack, Ethan mentions how he was forced to go through an obedience course when he was 16, and how they made him learn how to do a backflip. Jack immediately shouts this out. 

“You can do a backflip?! Dude! Do one!” 

Ethan flushes red, shying backward into the couch. “I dunno…” 

Mark immediately jumps in, “Ethan, can you really? You have to show us!” 

While Ethan is contemplating, Felix’s friend, Michael, tells him from behind the camera that people in the chat are chanting for him to do a flip. Mark gets a text from Tyler that says, ‘Please do a backflip, Ethan.’ 

Looks like he's going to do a backflip. 

“Alright, fine!” he laughs nervously, standing and getting into position. 

It's been a while, but he knows he can still do it. He jumps up, leans backward, tucks his legs to his chest. When he lands he wobbles a little on his feet, but stays upright, face flushed and smiling unconsciously. He looks behind him to find that Mark was recording it, and says he sent it to Tyler. Tyler's reply reads, ‘Holy shit, that was awesome!’ Tyler sends a second message, but Mark pulls the phone away before Ethan can read it. 

Mark has been made aware that Tyler has a crush on Ethan. His second message reads, ‘Look at his cute little butt, oh my god!!’ Mark would show it to Ethan, let him become flustered, but he wants to be a good friend and keep Tyler’s secret. He does, however, sneak several more pictures while Ethan's turned around because sure, he may be a good friend, but he also really wants to tease Tyler relentlessly. And if he enjoys the pictures too, he doesn't say anything. He shows Jack, and the green haired borrower cackles. He shows Felix, and he encourages him to get better angles for his ass pics.

Eventually, during intermission, Ethan notices he's being photographed. He goes red, crossing his arms. “What are you doing?” 

Mark can't help it. He snaps a picture. “Sending pictures to Tyler. He had to stop watching the stream so I've been keeping him updated.” Ethan goes even redder. Mark takes another picture. 

“Stop it!” Ethan yells, ducking behind Jack. Mark takes a video instead, except Ethan doesn't know. 

“Come on, Ethan, smile for Tyler! Tell him you loooove him, like you did on the phone!” Jack side steps so that Ethan is back in the open, and the blue haired borrower yelps indignantly. 

“Shut up, Mark! I told you not to make fun of me for that!” He can feel hot tears prick the corners of his eyes, a lump in his throat, but it was too late to hold it back. 

“Just admit it, you're totally in love with Tyler!” Felix calls through cupped hands. 

Ethan starts crying, tears rolling down his face. “You already know I am! Why are you—?” 

The room goes quiet. Mark stops recording and his phone makes a noise. He hits send. Ethan stops breathing. 

Tyler calls Mark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this ones a bit shorter and its also super boring at the beginning bUT i needed the cliffhanger


	5. call me the one, this night just can't end

Mark answers, puts it on speaker. The first thing Tyler does is chew Mark out for making Ethan cry. It's honestly really sweet; Tyler could be never speaking to either of them again, or focusing on Ethan’s confession, but instead he's yelling at Mark for pushing and teasing the borrower. 

“ _ Mark, what the fuck, man? Don't treat him like that! Did you not see how uncomfortable you were making him? Why are you being such a dick? _ ”

“Wha— I wasn't being a dick, I was just—” Mark attempts to defend. 

“ _ You made him  _ cry _ , you asshole.  _ And  _ you recorded it and sent it to me. You humiliated him! That could be considered abuse, you know! _ ” 

“Abuse?! I was trying to help you, dude! I was trying to—” 

“ _ I don't need your help! I don't  _ want _ your help! _ ” Tyler snaps. 

They all go silent. Tension hangs in tendrils around them like a cage. Hurt pangs hard in Mark's chest. Ethan shuffles his feet nervously as he stares at the phone. Tyler sighs on the line, and they all listen with bated breath. 

“ _ Does he… does he really like me? _ ” 

Ethan exhales shakily, and Mark holds out the phone to him. The blue-haired boy gulps. “Y-yeah, Ty, I do.”

Tyler inhales sharply, going silent for a moment. Ethan waits for the other shoe to drop, for Tyler to tell him that there's no way he'd ever love him back, he was a borrower. The line is silent for so long that Ethan worries he's hung up. Michael tells them that they have to get back to the stream now. 

“Tyler?” Ethan asks timidly. 

“ _ Hi, sorry, I'm still here, I'm just… thinking. Um. We should— we should wait to talk about this until you get home. Bye, Ethan. _ ” 

“O-Oh, uh, bye Ty—” Tyler hangs up before Ethan can finish. “—ler. Um…” 

Mark frowns solemnly. Ethan stares at the phone, but his eyes are unfocused, his thoughts somewhere else. He can't bring himself to look at Mark, who looks about as ready to cry as he is. 

“Ethan, I didn't— I'm so sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, I—” 

He can't bring himself to finish the sentence. Can't bring himself to say  _ I love you _ . Can't bring himself to admit that he's in love with Ethan. That he's in love with  _ Tyler _ , too. He can't admit these things, not now. Not when he's just pulled such a dick move, not when he now realizes that Ethan loves Tyler and Tyler loves Ethan, but Mark? Mark's not in the picture. It feels like a punch to the gut. With brass knuckles. Or Wolverine claws.

Ethan doesn't respond to Mark's apology. Mark’s voice sounds muffled to him, like he’s underwater. He numbly asks if he can sit out for the rest of today’s stream, body on autopilot. No one bothers to argue with him as he stalks across the tables to sit up against the wall. He slides down, draws his knees to his chest. It feels like the walls are closing around him, something that scares him even more because the room is massive and he is miniscule. There’s a coffee cup a foot away that’s bigger than he is, but still, the room feels small. 

Jack walks over, puts a hand on his shoulder, and Ethan flinches harshly. The green haired borrower’s eyes are wide with worry as he crouches before him. 

“Ethan, are you okay?” 

_ No,  _ he wants to scream,  _ no, I’m not okay. My whole fucking world is crumbling around me. I can’t look at Mark, Tyler doesn’t want to talk to me, you’re babying me now. I’m not okay. This is fucking stupid and I hate it.  _

He nods softly. “I’m fine.” 

Jack looks at him like he’s a comic book; like he can read the little box over his head that says his thoughts, and he’s ignoring the actual speech bubble. Ethan can’t tell whether he’s annoyed or relieved when Jack slides down the wall next to him and throws an arm around his shoulder. He relaxes into the older’s side, and is struck with nostalgia. 

This position used to be common, back when they were cellmates at the pet shop. Ethan tears up at the familiar feeling of a warm hand on his upper arm, of Jack’s thigh against his. It’s been so long since he’s had affection from someone his size, since he’s felt anything other than large digits that were too big to provide anything real. 

He turns and throws himself at Jack, burying his face in the other’s neck. Startled, it takes a second for Jack to adjust, to wrap his arms gently around the younger boy. 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I gotcha,” he chuckles. 

Jack had always thought of Ethan like a little brother, someone for him to look out for and protect. Now was the time for him to actually do so. 

Ethan sobs into Jack’s shoulder for the better part of a half hour before he falls asleep. Felix joins them for a moment, fussing over how cute the borrower was curled up in Jack’s lap. Though, if he didn’t know that Ethan was in love with Tyler and Mark, he might be jealous at the affection; he couldn’t provide that to Jack, not with their size difference. He knew that Jack never minded it, though. He was just happy to be with him.

Jack gives a soft huff. His leg has fallen asleep, but he wouldn’t dare move with the younger boy soundly sleeping in his lap. Felix takes a picture of the two before he moves to rejoin the stream. 

Mark stalks over a moment later, scratching the back of his neck. “How's he doing?” 

Jack glares at him. “I dunno. Not good right now, but who knows. We have te wait ‘til we get a reaction out ‘f Tyler.” 

Mark’s eyes are rimmed red like he's been holding back tears, the heartbreak clear in the sea of chocolate. Felix had told him to go offscreen for a minute to collect himself so that no one worried. Mark figured the best use of his time would be to check on Ethan, but seeing him only weighed down the sinking guilt in his stomach. 

“I'm such an _ asshole _ ,” he mutters wetly. Jack sighs, shaking his head. 

“Yer not an asshole. Ye just… acted like one.” 

“I didn't want to hurt him. I…” 

“I know, Mark.” The human gives him a look of surprise. Jack chuckles. “I see th’way ye look at ‘im. ‘M not stupid. ...He loves you, too.” 

Mark purses his lips. “Probably not after what I pulled.” 

Ethan stirs in Jack’s arms, blinking tears and sleep out of his eyes. He looks up at Jack, then over at Mark. The flinch when he meets Mark’s eyes makes the human suck in a breath, tears threatening to spill. Ethan looks away from Mark, instead turning scared eyes to Jack. The older borrower’s stomach twists; how could Mark have scared him that badly? 

Jack smiles shakily, nodding over at Mark. “He’s not gonna hurt ye, Eth, I promise. He was bein’ a douche, sure, but… he’s not gonna  _ hurt  _ ye. Come on, look at ‘im. He looks like a kicked puppy.” 

Ethan glances back at Mark, who’s watching the exchange with hurt, tear-filled eyes, wringing his hands. The borrower feels a little guilty. He’s not exactly being fair; Tyler wasn’t speaking to Ethan, sure, but he was  _ angry _ at Mark. The two had been best friends since  _ high school _ , and here he was getting in between them. That wasn’t what he wanted.

He wanted them  _ together _ . He wanted them  _ all  _ to be together, the three of them. He wanted to sit on Mark’s stomach and watch them kiss, he wanted them to lift him up and smother him in kisses that covered his whole body. He wanted to watch movies with them on the couch with an absurd amount of blankets. He wanted to sit sleepily on Tyler’s shoulder while they watched Mark cook breakfast, Tyler making playful quips at him about how he wasn’t  _ that  _ good a cook, that he bets he could do better. Heat pools in his stomach, tears prickling the corners of his eyes at the thought of being so domestic, so  _ happy. _

The harsh reality was that he’d fucked all of that up.

Ethan climbs out of Jack’s lap, standing on sleepy legs. He resembles a baby deer as he stumbles toward Mark. The human immediately reaches out to scoop him up, Ethan extending his hands outward. As soon as he’s close enough, he grabs handfuls of Mark’s shirt, burying his face in the soft fabric. 

“I’m sorry,” he blubbers, trembling like a leaf. “I’m so so so sorry.” 

Mark’s warm hands press the borrower against his broad chest gently. He drags a beanbag over to the wall, then sits down carefully. Reclining slightly so that Ethan could lay down on him, he shushes him. 

“Ethan, no, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.” 

“Yes I do, I fucked it all up,” the blue-haired boy sobs, clinging to Mark like a lifeline.

“What? Fucked what up?” 

“You and Tyler!  _ Us! _ ” 

Mark’s heart flutters. “Uh—  _ us? _ ” 

Ethan doesn’t say another word until they go back to L.A.

 

* * *

 

 

Ethan hasn’t been the same since Brighton. He’s barely said a word since the first stream day, he’s even more reserved than before. Mark feels like he’s back at square one. It’s frustrating. Mark is a guy who prides himself on his patience, but it’s been nearly a  _ year  _ now. He thought that maybe their moment at the livestream set had contributed, too. He doesn’t get what he’s doing wrong to make Ethan so reluctant to let himself be vulnerable.  

When Ethan flinches at his hand laying itself on the table to offer him a ride off of the kitchen table, he’s officially had enough.

“Okay, what is your  _ deal _ lately? You can barely look me in the fucking eyes anymore!” 

Ethan’s whole body contracts, making itself even smaller than it already is, and at first he looks so scared that Mark thinks the tiny shred of trust he had left is gone. Ethan, however, proves to be able to hold his own. 

“What’s my _ deal _ ? My  _ deal  _ is that I’m a fucking borrower. Every single fucking problem I have revolves around that!” Ethan yells back. 

Mark thinks briefly that it would probably be better to stop yelling, but his anger has already been planted. “For fuck’s sake, how many times are you gonna pull that shit? I’ve told you countless fucking times that I don’t give a shit what you are! Why can’t you just fucking listen to me when I tell you that?” 

The blue-haired borrower swells up, glaring up at him. “You don’t even fucking  _ realize _ , do you?! You can say that shit all you want, but even  _ you _ treat me like a pet! You’re doing it right now!” 

“Oh, how do I treat you as a pet?” Mark barks sarcastically. 

“You fucking sit there and expect me to obey you!” 

Mark realizes his mistake when Ethan’s voice chokes up, but he’s in too deep. “Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t expect jack  _ shit _ from you! You can do whatever the fuck you want! You sit there and mope all the time while I cater to your every fucking need, and you  _ still _ don’t fucking trust me. I have given you every reason to!” 

“You’re fucking doing it again! You want me to trust you, you’re  _ training _ me to trust you! Don’t you fucking get it?” 

And Mark does get it. He really does. But his mouth just won’t keep closed. “Yeah, well, it’s the fucking least you could do! I fucking saved your _ life _ , I’ve given you  _ everything _ you wanted, I’ve done  _ everything _ for you. They would’ve  _ killed _ you if it wasn’t for me!” 

“ _ Well maybe I’d be better off dead! _ ” Ethan screams. 

The room goes completely silent, tension so tangible it’s almost strangling. Tears flow freely down the borrower’s cheeks, his whole body shaking. Mark suddenly realizes what has happened, knows that it’s all his fault. He’s not going to be able to fix this. His lungs feel like they’re collapsing. 

His shoulders sag, anger deflating. “Oh, God, Ethan— I’m—” 

“ _ Don’t. _ Just… don’t,” the small boy sobs. His voice breaks, and Mark’s heart breaks right with it. 

Everything they've done, everything they've said, all the work he's put into gaining Ethan's trust— destroyed. Every warm moment, every smile shared. Ethan will never love him now. 

“I want… I want to stay with Tyler for a few days. I just— I need the space. It's not… it's not your fault, Mark,” Ethan murmurs wetly. Mark doesn’t believe him. 

Mark can't bring himself to say no, even if he wishes they could all spend time  _ together _ . Even if his stomach  _ burns _ with the thought of them together, without him. So, he calls Tyler, but puts the phone down for Ethan to talk to him. 

Hearing the sniffles, Tyler is immediately worried. “ _ Hello? Mark? What's wrong? _ ” 

“It's… it’s Ethan. I'm fine. Just… can I stay with you for a few days? Mark and I… I figured maybe you and me could hang out for a while, give Mark a break from dealing with me,” Ethan lies through his teeth, voice breaking. He fakes a chuckle, and Mark clenches his jaw. 

“ _ I… yeah, sure, Eth. Do you want me to come get you now, or—? _ ”

“Yeah, now would be great,” the borrower says quickly. There's a pause on Tyler's end. 

“ _ Okay. I'll... be there in 10. _ ” 

“Thanks, Ty.” 

As soon as Tyler hangs up, Ethan sobs into his hands. Mark ignores it in favor of picking him up to take him to where his stuff is kept so he can pack to go to Tyler's; he’s gone numb, too afraid of facing his real feelings. Ethan tries to tone down the waterworks as he gathers his things, but when Mark quickly leaves the room, he's thrown back into tears. 

Tyler arrives with a bright smile, but Mark just quickly hands Ethan off to Tyler and goes back inside. Ethan's still wiping away the last of his tears as Tyler stares dumbstruck at the door that Mark slammed in his face. Once he's shaken out of his stupor, Tyler looks down at the trembling borrower in his hands, spinning on his heel to go to his car. He holds Ethan to his chest while he drives, the younger boy practically passing out in his hand. It worries Tyler how sad and tired he is, ever curious to know what had happened with him and Mark. 

Tyler opens the door to his house, careful not to stir Ethan. He figures he'll let the borrower rest, make some food. Ethan’s never spent the night at Tyler's on his own— Mark is always with him. But Tyler has the idea that they might never be that close again. He also has a feeling Ethan will be staying with him a lot more often. The thought pangs painfully in his chest. 

It’s not that he didn’t want to see Ethan more; he  _ adored _ the younger boy. He just wished he could see them  _ both _ more. He’d come to the conclusion quite recently that he’d loved them both. It seemed so simple once he’d realized it, like his whole life clicked into place. He loved Mark. He loved Ethan. He wanted them both. The warmth that normally fills his chest at that thought is replaced by the cold, harsh realization that he might never get to have them. Not if Mark and Ethan were fighting like this. 

He sets Ethan down on his pillow and turns to leave to make food, but the boy starts to whimper. Tyler immediately moves to check on him, hearing Ethan say his name… and Mark’s. The borrower’s face is buried in Tyler's pillow, and he's curled in the fetal position. Tyler hesitantly reaches out, index finger gently caressing Ethan's hair, moving down to the small of his back. He repeats the motion until Ethan stirs, blinking around at his surroundings. 

Once Ethan puts together that Tyler is looking down at him, petting him, his face flushes red. Tyler pulls his hand away, features flooded with concern. 

“Ethan, what… what happened?” 

The blue-haired boy sniffles. “Me and Mark got into a fight. He was— He got mad at me for not trusting him anymore, after… after Brighton. I said some things too, though. I yelled at him for treating me like a pet. And I may have screamed that I'd be better off dead. I feel bad about that part. But, yeah, we— we fought, and screamed, and I just… needed to get out for a while.” He takes a deep breath when he's finished, a hand coming up to tug at his faded blue hair. 

Tyler nods, lips pursed, and gently pokes Ethan's hand to get him to stop pulling his hair. “When do you… wanna go back?” 

“I told Mark a few days, but I…” The borrower rubs his eyes, sighing wetly. God, he wishes he could just stop crying. The lump in his throat makes his voice crack. “I already miss him.” 

“Me too,” Tyler mutters. A frown graces his chiseled features, thinking of how… empty Mark looked when they left. How easily he’d shut the door in his best friend’s face. 

Ethan peeks up at the human, eyes surprised. “Do… do you lo— like Mark?” 

Curls bounce with Tyler’s gentle nod, smiling softly. “Yeah. I do. Do you?” 

The borrower’s cheeks redden, but he bobs his head quickly. “Yeah.” 

Tyler stands up. Ethan startles. “Ty—?” 

“Come on, blue boy. We’re gonna go have that talk.” 

Ethan had almost forgotten about that; his confession to Tyler, the abrupt goodbye. The agreement to talk about it when Ethan got home. The younger boy climbs into Tyler’s palm, preparing himself for their talk, but then Tyler places his jacket beside him, slipping on his shoes. 

“Where are we going?” Ethan asks, pushing his arms into the sleeves. 

“To Mark’s,” Tyler says, as if it were obvious. He makes his way to the car, moving Ethan to his shoulder. 

“Why?” 

“So we can have that talk.” 

“But— what does that have to do with—  _ oh _ .” Ethan feels dumb when he realizes, cheeks heating. His stomach stirs with nerves as Tyler pulls out of the driveway. “Uh— are you sure we should—?”

“Ethan, I can’t stand to put this off anymore. We all need to talk this out,  _ now _ ,” Tyler interrupts. Ethan purses his lips. Sure, he wants this, he wants them to talk about their feelings and maybe even get together, but… what if it goes  _ wrong? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okAY this is as far as i've gotten with this fic in two goddamn years so. i'll continue as much as i ca n


End file.
